The expression of grief is often painted as a universal experience — shared sorrow, tears, and rituals around mourning that feel familiar to most. This in turn, becomes the accepted social script, when it comes to processing grief. 

Any expression that deviates from this norm is typically seen as an anomaly or something to be corrected. 

But for many in the neurodivergent community — individuals with autism, ADHD, dyslexia or other neurodevelopmental differences — grief doesn’t always follow “typical” patterns. Their inner emotional world, sensory sensitivities, and unique ways of processing can shape grief in ways that are subtle, unexpected, or misunderstood.  

By exploring the intersection of neurodivergence and the experience of loss, we can shed light on hidden or unrecognised expressions of grief, honour different grieving styles, and deepen empathy for those whose sorrow may not look “normal” on the outside.  

This article aims to be a supportive framework for this exploration, with the intention that , people can come to accept their unique ways of being and others can become that ‘safe space’ that a neurodivergent person needs to process grief in their own way. 

Grief and the Intersection of Neurodivergence  

Feeling grief and processing loss—whether that is a loved one, or a relationship or a way of life—is a deeply personal experience. It leaves the grieving in a deeply vulnerable space where the need for support is only natural. However, when people do not adhere to the expected and linear social scripts of grieving—i.e. visible shows of sorrow, some ceremony to address the loss and then moving on with life—there can be a gap in understanding that makes providing support difficult. 

Communication differences: Several neurodivergent persons communicate in non-traditional ways, other than verbalizing their feelings. They may not be able to express their grief and the needs arising from that experience, in clear language.  

Many can choose written words (like poetry), making art or resorting to physical movement practices to create an outlet for their feelings. Therefore, reaching out for help can be harder, when a neurodivergent person is dealing with grief.  

In moments of shared loss, people witnessing expressions different from the socially accepted script of grief, may miss certain cues that indicate the person may require support. Neurodivergent expressions may also be misread to indicate disengagement and a lack of caring.   

Emotional Regulation differences:  Often the neurodivergent person is not aware of their own emotions, in order to communicate it. Alexithymia is a unique trait that is often present in persons from the autism spectrum. It refers to the inability to identify or describe feelings and emotions.  

This can often lead a neurodivergent individual to struggle with feeling their emotions and can lead to a propensity to intellectually break down their emotions, which can delay the grieving process.  

On the other hand, many neurodivergent persons experience a depth of emotional intensity that can cause overwhelm and shutdown. For instance, the death of a virtual friend—whom the neurodivergent individual never met in person—might trigger a strong sense of bereavement that would be traditionally associated with the death of a family member.  

Grief Time: Although Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief is the popular model to understand the timeline for processing grief, this framework may not fully capture the experiences of neurodivergent persons.  the experiences of neurodivergent persons.  

Furthermore, the disabled community has expanded on the lived reality of experiencing time differently – supported by concepts like Crip time, Spoon theory and time agnosia. This understanding also lends itself to the non-linear time of experiencing grief.   

For neurodivergent folx, the death of a loved one that happened a decade ago might strike them with fresh emotional intensity today; or they might have a delayed reaction of years to feel grief at the loss of something valuable.  

Sensory sensitivities: Sensory processing depth is often greater within a spectrum of neurodivergent persons. This might manifest as an aversion to loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, all of which might be present in a funeral or last rites being performed.   

Often in the Indian cultural context, funeral rites go on over a week, this can lead to sensory overload for a neurodivergent person and eventually lead to a meltdown. Sensory sensitivities can be even triggered on the experience of emotional intensity—which can often show up as a strong sensory experience.  

People may choose to isolate themselves in low stimulating environments to be able to process their emotions and the changes in their lives following loss. 

Executive differences: Executive differences refer to the different types of executive functions—like planning, working memory, organizing, impulse control, starting a task—within neurodivergent persons. Many neurodivergent persons stick to routines or structures to ground themselves. A loss of a person of any other kind, can disrupt their routine which can lead to anxiety and distress. In this case, a common coping mechanism, is hyper-focusing on a different task or goal to avoid the feelings of grief or disassociating from their current environment.  

People may also create rituals of their own that help them reclaim connection with what they have lost. This may look like little acts of repetition, hyperfocus on certain topics, projects and tasks and even seemingly random other acts may bring in a sense of stability and routine.  

Coping with grief: 

The manifestation of grief and the ability to reach out for support becomes more nuanced in the presence of neurodivergence.  

It is important to recognize the different ways in which grief can manifest within the neurodivergent community. Expecting the expression of grief to adhere to a social script that has been popularized in pop culture leads to limiting support—that can be extended when different expressions of grief are acknowledged.  

As described in this article, communication and social differences, sensory processing differences and emotional regulation differences can make the experience and expression of grief very unique for neurodivergent persons. It is important to note here that there may be unique expressions of grief even within the spectrum of neurodivergence and particularly if compounded by other marginalization.  

Processing grief and how it impacts a neurodivergent person’s sensory, emotional, cognitive, social, communication and executive traits, can lead to physical and psychological distress. Moreover, the reinforcement of the “right way” of grieving, through social environments can make it a more confusing and alienating experience. There is very little representation in pop culture of alternate grieving styles. It can be confusing to separate and identify the multitude of feelings and processing them with non-judgement.  

Often neurodivergent persons with high support needs, or holding other marginalized identities, depend on caregivers. The loss of such a guardian figure might lead to deep distress and anxiety and create a substantial void in receiving support.  

Additionally, due to heightened sensitivities, many neurodivergent persons may avoid processing emotions through substance abuse or addictive patterns – often especially when these are the only tools available to them to cope at the time. Not having an outlet or community support to process grief can lead to poor mental health. If left unaddressed it can lead to feelings of anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, envy.  

It can affect sleep and appetite, and manifest as irritability, loss of focus and interest, poor physical hygiene, eating disorders, self-harm and / or suicidal ideation. Studies have also linked unprocessed grief to the rise of autoimmune disorders, like Type 1 diabetes, alopecia (loss of hair), endometriosis etc. 

This is why coping starts with a supportive community and providing people the space and resources to accept who they are and what works for them. Furthermore, empowering folx with tools to process their emotions in safe ways that support their neurodivergence, with understanding and acceptance becomes key. 

Systems of support on a social level: Tips for caregivers and communities 

Finding community on a personal front is imperative to facilitate healing when it comes to dealing with grief, especially for neurodivergent persons. A few things to keep in mind while building supportive communities would be: 

1. Do not impose assumptions around grieving on anyone. Recognize that grief can rise up in subtle and unexpected ways. Instead of making assumptions, ask clear questions about what the grieving person is feeling and what they need in that moment. 

“What could be supportive to you right now?” 

“I can just be here with you; you don’t need to talk unless you want to. Would that be okay?” 

“Would you like me to be part of this activity with you?” 

2. When explaining the concept of death, especially to neurodivergent children, avoid talking in indirect metaphors. Be honest and clear in your communication, instead of resorting to language like “gone to a better place”. While it is important to be gentle while explaining such concepts, clear expectations around what the loss implies should be communicated.   

3. Try to cater to the sensory needs of neurodivergent persons while attending social ceremonies related to mourning. In a crowded space with strong fragrances and loud sounds, try to provide resources like fidget toys, noise-cancelling headphones, to help process sensory stimulation. If possible, offer the option of a separate low-sensory room for the neurodivergent person.  

Educate and encourage others to be mindful of touch and proximity to support the individual who is grieving. 

4. Many neurodivergent persons cope by adhering to familiar routines and structures. Loss can lead to abrupt change in routines. Try to not disrupt routines and introduce change gradually. In case of sudden changes explain what to expect and support them with feelings of distress. 

See if building new yet similar rituals or routines to fill the “void” can be supportive. 

5. Recognize alternate expressions of grief. Normalize creative outlets as valid spaces to process grief, if the neurodivergent person is coping through alternate ways of communication, encourage the same with openness and curiosity. 

6. Do not expect the neurodivergent person to come out of mourning in a linear space of time. Keep checking in and hold space for communication of feelings and emotions around grief, over the years. Be patient with their timeline of grief, without forcing them to conform to societal norms related to grieving. 

“It’s okay to take the time you need to make sense of what’s happening.” 

7. Some neurodivergent persons find visual aids like stories, charts helpful to understand abstract concepts like loss and grief. Breaking down subjective experiences with visual tools can help them find a sense of control and familiarity around grieving. 

8. It can be helpful to seek professional guidance. Given the nuances of dealing with grief in the presence of neurodivergence, finding a mental health professional with experience can provide a space of safety and alleviate the pressure on caregivers. 

Systems of support–on a professional level: Tips for people leaders, employers and managers 

Now that we understand the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent persons while dealing with grief, it is important to advocate for supportive systems within workplaces as well. To create robust systems of support within the workplace, thoughtful accommodations, empathetic understanding, and accessible resources are essential. They can make a significant difference in helping neurodivergent employees process their grief while maintaining their well-being and professional engagement. Here are a few guidelines towards creating inclusive spaces to allow employees– neurodivergent or otherwise–to process grief. 

1. Offering inclusive leave policies that recognize the mental health challenges regarding bereavement and provide leave to grieve, leads to mental wellbeing. 

2. Providing options of psychological counselling to employees through EAP or otherwise, in a discreet and accessible fashion, can be supportive. 

3. Normalizing conversations around mental health and the lesser understood expressions of grief, by holding space for awareness programs and creating ERGs (Employee Resource Groups) that focus on grief and loss. 

4. Providing accommodations like remote work options or flexible work hours to a neurodivergent employee experiencing grief can be helpful. 

5. Creating buddy systems to provide employees with confidential and non-judgmental spaces of allyship and support where vulnerable communication is encouraged. 

Conclusion 

Grief doesn’t wear a single face — and for neurodivergent individuals, it is more so. Loss can arrive not only through death, but through change, disruption of routine, or separation from a familiar world. What might seem like calm detachment, delayed reaction, or sensory overwhelm may in fact be a profoundly personal grieving process. Recognizing and validating these diverse experiences is not only kind — it’s essential. 

By listening, being patient, offering flexibility, and refraining from judgment, we open space for grief to exist authentically. In doing so, we ensure that grief — that love with nowhere to go — finds the meaning, expression and compassion it deserves. 

Written by Usri Basistha & Rosanna Rodrigues